A penguin walks into a bar and asks the barman, "Has my brother been in here today?"

"I don't know, what does he look like?", replies the barman.

What kind of fish do Penguins catch at night?

Starfish

Why don't you see Penguins in Britain?

Because they're afraid of Wales

What do Penguins sing on a birthday?

Freeze a jolly good fellow.

 

How do Antarctic penguins decide who goes to fish?

Flipper coin

What do you call a penguin in Hull?

Lost

What do call a penguin without an eye ?

A pengun !

 

A man rushed into the pub and asked "How tall do penguins grow?"
"About two or three feet," replied the landlord.

"Oh No!", said the man. "Then I've just run over a nun!"
 

A man was walking down the road with a penguin. A passing policeman said "hey you take that penguin to the zoo immediately", the next day the policeman saw the same man with the penguin again." I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo sir" said the policeman. " He did, and we really enjoyed it" replied the penguin" and today its my turn, I am going to take him to the cinema" said the penguin.

Why don't Penguins like rock music?

They only like sole.

Why do Penguins carry fish in their beaks?

Because they haven't got any pockets.
 

A penguin was passing the chemist when he decided he wanted to go in. He walks in the door (ring ring ring, waddle waddle waddle) he waddles up to the counter. 'Can I help you mister penguin?'
'Yes, do you have any plums?'
'No, penguin, this is a chemists.'
'Thank you.' The penguin leaves (waddle waddle waddle)
A while latter the penguin passes by again and once again goes inside. (ring ring ring, waddle waddle waddle) He waddles to the counter. 'Excuse me, do you have any plums?'
'NO, penguin! this is a chemist!'
'Very well then, thank you.'
'If you come back in here again penguin, I will nail your cute little feet to the floor.'
'Oh, well, thank you' The penguin waddles out the door.
A while latter the penguin goes back into the store. (ring ring ring, waddle waddle waddle) 'Excuse me sir.'
'WHAT!!!!!!????????'
'Do you have any nails?'
'NO! penguin, this is a drug store!!!'
'Oh, well then, do you have any plums?'